Amidst

For once, I feel like trying double-spacing.... Hehe....makes my blog readable I suppose... XDFor the smart ones who highlight first.... read the black fonts first please... Hehe.... I'm so cheeky, ain't I? ^^

Hi guys!! Once again another happy day awaits me! Ok, maybe not 'that' happy. Hehe.

Despite the current joy, happiness and bliss I am in right now with a person that changed my life...

MY intensive classes are starting again, from June 1 - June 12 (I think), from 9am - 5pm.

Despite this sudden warm feeling I have for knowing that I have such nice friends...

Haha, don't get shocked, I got used to this already.

Despite the anticipation of the day where my KDU friends and I roam at Sunway Lagoon......

And we don't go on straight for 8 hours, the instructor (from Perth) and us will always go down to the cafeteria for lunch. ^^

Amidst all these memorable experiences, deep down our hearts, we all know that the days to my flight is counting...

My birthday? Hahaha, I still can't stop thinking about it right now.... I admit it's one of the best I've ever had...

To me, for once...

We (just the 2 of us) went To Lake Gardens in KL to feel the wonderful nature.

Maybe for the very first time in my life that I'll say something like this...

So what? I'm not going to those high-class or fancy places just for my birthday! I prefer the nature, since I love it from the start, like her. ^^

To those who truly made me understood how it feels to love and care for one another...

We went to many places mainly Deer Farm & Bird Park. It was a wonderful experience indeed!

To those who truly made me understood how important friends are asides from the flows of reality...

But erm... I can't make any posts about this right now, because Ms. Roxanne is having all the pictures with her, so either I can direct her blog link to you, or wait till the pictures reach me, and both of us will write a blog about it. =D

To those who gave me memories no brainwash could erase...

Ok then, after typing this blog, I'm back to my studies... one freaking Murdoch exam coming tomorrow... wish me luck!!!

Nothing changes the fact even though I say so, but I must....

Hmm... why I put the topic as 'Amidst'? I dunno... go google it and find out... =p

I just...... don't want to...

Turning Point

See, compare the picture above, at the age of 18, what I called myself cool, lying down on the foot-worn grass on the field of my secondary school, Kian Kok Middle School, Sabah.

At this point of my life, I never realized how badly I was flawed. Well, not to mention how I suck at personal hygiene. Picking up a double personality, while doing so many things due to my own purposes and intentions, no one knew who I really am, neither did they know what I was thinking. I chose to stay mysterious and as a lone wolf at all times. For the past 6 years, I had become a lone wolf and I love to become one. As emotion-less as a chose to become, little did I knew that I had just sown the seeds of flaws into my mind.

Now check this one:

A picture of me, becoming age 20, holding a doughnut in Krispy Kreme, Times Square, Petaling Jaya. At this point of life, I finally realized how flawed I was. Whatever I did, I wanted a favour in return. Throughout the years, I wanted people to treat me as how I treated them. I wanted that so badly, I never knew how much damage I had inflicted to both relationships between my friends and my own personality. Passed on from one of my friend's advice, he told me to START being emotional instead of remaining rational for the rest of my life. In the end, I gave up to my own feelings and heart, eventually I finally found my way out of the destructing path I am heading towards.

I am happy that I can finally know my mistakes and change for the better of others and myself. Well, about the 2 pictures.... we can have 2 more comparisons. One, between dependent and (slightly) independent. The 2nd comparison.... hahahaha.....

A difference between single and not single, I suppose?

人生的路程

人生的路程，既难走，又难预测...

每个人都必须为自己的生活和未来而奋斗的。失败了，别气馁，要加倍努力来成功；成功了，别骄傲，要更加努力得到更佳的胜利。只要我们还在世上，人生的路程仍然继续着。它不会为你转折，也不会为你停止。就这样，我们只能往前走，继续走这一条又艰难又漫长的路程。我MSN的外号：“Endless Journey” 就如此诞生。=)

其实，我觉得现在的我，真得很幸福。有我爱的人，有爱我的人，也有很多对我好的人。大家就好像一个大家庭一样，互相爱护，互相关心，互相保护... 这种难于形容的感觉，真得让人觉得很温馨，很幸运，很幸福。不过每个人的姓氏都不同。XD 回想当初，我会责怪自己：明明生在那么好的环境中，我还会要求多多，从来不懂得珍惜身边的人。随着时间的流逝，自从婆婆去世之后，我终于懂得身边的人对我多么重要。如果不趁现在好好珍惜他们的话，失去他们时一定会很后悔的。所以大家，要趁现在呀，免得后悔。

可是，我很害怕。我非常害怕我会失去身边的人。因为我认识的每一个人，无论是爸爸，妈妈，姐姐，朋友都好，在我的心目中，再也没有任何人能够取代他们的。比如说：我有一个非常爱我的父亲，我就会一心一意地爱着他。如果有一天，失去了他，不管是谁取代他都好，我都无法和之前的父亲一样 - 那么一心一意地去爱他。因为我的心永远只有我之前的爸爸而已。因此，我很怕去爱，去珍惜，因为失去了，我会很心痛的！我爱的人，对我来说是非常非常重要的人，我不想，更不希望他/她会消失。我不喜欢活在这个‘ 随时会得到，随时会失去 ’的现实生活，我受不了。I really hope that some things last long, to make me feel secured and safe, to make me feel comfort and bliss, to make me settle down in a relief, even though I know things won't last long......

真是的。为什么要去想这么悲观的东西呢？为什么要害怕呢？通常，人害怕的东西，往往都会变真。不行！不可以在这么悲观地想了！大家，如果你们的想法和我现在的想法一样的话，别像我一样去责怪自己；到回头来，要称赞自己。有这样的想法，证明别人在你的心目中都非常的重要，而且你因为非常爱他们而不想失去吧？但是，要常常记住：无论发生什么事，都要顺其自然，得到了，别得寸进尺；失去了，别感到悲痛。不要去怀疑，也不要去想‘万一’，因为这个词语象征疑心。要大量去爱，要快乐去爱，要用着一切正面的思想去珍惜对自己重要的人，继续奋斗地走着人生的路程！

更何况，人都是因为想要永久，才会一直努力去争取吧？

We cannot predict our future and flaws, hence we could only take action to find out.

I finally found a way to share my thoughts to other people! Usually, when I typed my posts/blogs here, I categorized them into 3 types

(1) Just a random seemingly pointless blog. You'll see no titles above the random blog.

The others with titles are usually the serious ones where I like to share with others.

(2) This type of blog is regarding my personal feelings about life itself.

(3) The last type of blog is some facts and advises of real life that I want to share with everyone. This kind of blog should prove itself helpful to whoever who has problems regarding it. I'll try my best to ease your feelings.... =)

For the 3rd type, I think I'll consider posting a link about it in Facebook. For example, if I want to share with others about my opinion on some facts (e.g: discrimination, problems in real life, moral values). That way, I think and hopefully that through just some simple words, I can help make a difference in other people. =)

Next week, there's another intensive class!! Network Security! For continuously 2 weeks again.... haha, the stress is coming back again... but I'm not afraid anymore! I can learn more new things from the classes anyway. It's just time that is slowly being consumed...

Trying to stay optimistic and happy throughout the last weeks of my college life~ wish me luck and give me strength!!

Prologue from the Announcement

Time.... sure waits for no man....

My KDU Friends during Roxanne's birthday

A lot of good events, activities and memories flow around my life ever since the day I entered my college life. Some happened expected, mostly unexpected. Think back then, I really can't believe how I had begun in college from zero to one. To make things sound better, I can't believe my friends had given the 'one' to me.

Kota Belud Camp Dec '08

At some point, you'll recgonize more and more people, widening and broadening your social network. Sometimes, you'll either know lecturers whom are decades older than you. Also kids and preteens years younger than you.

Hostel Break-in, Feb 'o9

But there are some times where you meet a lot of friends that you're dying to stick to them till the end of college life. Perhaps trying to graduate together with them and have one unforgetable memory in your life. Unfortunately, due to your given condition, you're unable to do so.

Cambodia Trip with family, Apr .09

When you know that time doesn't wait for your wishes anymore, all you can do is to appreciate all those friends and people around you. Do it while you still can, before you regret in the ends of life. Of course, there will be times where we stumble upon each other one day, but it's just a matter of time. Before that, be sure to cherish every moment you have and feel happy for the whole ride.

=)

Life's like that. Nothing is permanent. Not even life is. How can you expect anything to last long? All we can do is to expect everything to last WELL, SAFE and FINE. All the time. =)

THE CHOSEN KDU TEAM.... XD

Time waits for no man... Life dwells for no soul... No matter what happens, life must go on. Whether slowly or swiftly. The only things that can ease you or make you feel warm, blissful and happy - are those memories you had been fighting so hard to keep between you and those you are in contact with...

And now... after typing so much, when I think about it:

Life changed a lot for me... and I have changed a lot for life. I feel happy for who I am as well as what I have right now. And I feel fortunate about it. I am already mentally and spiritually prepared for what will come for me. Hence, by tomorrow, I'll announce something... that turning point... that fateful choice... that inevitable decision... But I have accepted it and - let time flow through me. =')

I don't expect anyone to catch this post before tomorrow... but well, you'll have a big clue on what I'm going to announce tomorrow, right? =)

Well, nothing much actually. Right now, since 13 April 2009, I am undergoing an intensive session, up to April 30, all with 8-hour classes for my subject ICT363 - Network Switching. At the day I post this, it's the 6th day of the intensive period. Right, and still counting. >__< So, I didn't have any time to go anywhere else in the Internet at all. Hence, I did not made any updates to my blog. Sorry about that.

- Anyway, yeah. I got my KDU scholarship. I got RM1,000 free from my RM8,000 fees. Apparently, the money is free for me to use anytime. But well, if I want to take it out, that's a different story. XD

- My Cambodia trip photos are up on Facebook! ^ ^ You can go check it and leave some comments too. I'll appreciate them all, good or bad.

- Yesterday, I visited Palm Spring Condominium, just 20 minutes away from my hostel by bus. Arnous, Mustafa and I were discussing about our ICT363 case study. Due to some doubts, we did nothing except for talking about other stuffs regarding ICT363 and the big 'plan'. That night, I ate dinner with them. Haha! We sat on the floor and 5 of us (2 more friends of them) ate fried rice with tomato pasta. Yes, vegetarians can eat it. The taste is good, perhaps that's the way Syrians cook their foods. That day was the first day in my life for eating dinner with international students. Will never forget that.

- Due to heavy traffic, I walked all the way from Palm Spring to my hostel. Took 42 minutes and 17 seconds. Hahaha, I know. I'm insane. =) But trying something new isn't a bad thing, as long as you stay constantly vigilant, right?

一个面试

哈哈... 我再次使用中文来打字，我想看写中文和英文的差别在哪．

今天, 我有了一个scholarship的面试．如果在这个采访里顺利过关的话，就可以拿到奖学金啦~　不过挺不容易的．因为这次拿奖学金的人非常多，所以学院必须使用淘汰的方法．原本面试日期是上个星期四的．我没办法出席，因为上个星期 我和家人一起去柬埔寨旅游．关于我的旅行，我要拿到照片才可以做blog．回到重点吧，我还以为interview的人只有我而已．当我 A&B 的时候，我竟然看到我以前的同学，她也是在今天interview．就这样，她先被面试．接着到我．一开始，他们问的问题都很容易回答．直到他们问一道问题为止．

＂为什么我们必须给你这个奖学金，而不是刚才那位女生呢？＂

难道，这个奖学金，不是我拿就是她拿吗？这么说，我们正在互相竞争！在这种情形而言，他们不是看你多么合理， 而是看你多么有自信可以胜过对方．是的，如果我说：＂各有各的才能，不能互相比较，要给谁就给谁，不由我来决定．＂的确很合理，很有道理，但是，你认为他们肯把奖学金交给你吗？如果在两个人之中，另一个人说：＂因为我相信我有能力做到，若我要拿每个科目满分我一定能够得到．我也有把握，在才能方面我能够战胜刚才的那个人．所以我应该得到这个奖学金．＂这个自私自利的回答，看起来很过分．就是这种自私但充满自信的答案，才能说服他们把奖学金给你呀！你可以选择追求奖学金的欲望而＂背刺＂对方；你也可以选择合理性的回答来救你的朋友．

你要那个奖学金吗？还是要给别人？

我很讨厌这种针对性的问题．我真的很讨厌！为什么人必须选择这种针对性的方式来得到利益？世界真的很现实，实在太现实了．要帮别人，就要害自己；要帮自己，就要害别人．最后，我给的回答，让我非常看不起自己．你都可以看不起我．因为，我很自私．

如果世界是现实的，人值得自私吗？