Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Turning Point

See, compare the picture above, at the age of 18, what I called myself cool, lying down on the foot-worn grass on the field of my secondary school, Kian Kok Middle School, Sabah.

At this point of my life, I never realized how badly I was flawed. Well, not to mention how I suck at personal hygiene. Picking up a double personality, while doing so many things due to my own purposes and intentions, no one knew who I really am, neither did they know what I was thinking. I chose to stay mysterious and as a lone wolf at all times. For the past 6 years, I had become a lone wolf and I love to become one. As emotion-less as a chose to become, little did I knew that I had just sown the seeds of flaws into my mind.

Now check this one:

A picture of me, becoming age 20, holding a doughnut in Krispy Kreme, Times Square, Petaling Jaya. At this point of life, I finally realized how flawed I was. Whatever I did, I wanted a favour in return. Throughout the years, I wanted people to treat me as how I treated them. I wanted that so badly, I never knew how much damage I had inflicted to both relationships between my friends and my own personality. Passed on from one of my friend's advice, he told me to START being emotional instead of remaining rational for the rest of my life. In the end, I gave up to my own feelings and heart, eventually I finally found my way out of the destructing path I am heading towards.

I am happy that I can finally know my mistakes and change for the better of others and myself. Well, about the 2 pictures.... we can have 2 more comparisons. One, between dependent and (slightly) independent. The 2nd comparison.... hahahaha.....

A difference between single and not single, I suppose?

Sunday, May 10, 2009



每个人都必须为自己的生活和未来而奋斗的。失败了,别气馁,要加倍努力来成功;成功了,别骄傲,要更加努力得到更佳的胜利。只要我们还在世上,人生的路程仍然继续着。它不会为你转折,也不会为你停止。就这样,我们只能往前走,继续走这一条又艰难又漫长的路程。我MSN的外号:“Endless Journey” 就如此诞生。=)

其实,我觉得现在的我,真得很幸福。有我爱的人,有爱我的人,也有很多对我好的人。大家就好像一个大家庭一样,互相爱护,互相关心,互相保护... 这种难于形容的感觉,真得让人觉得很温馨,很幸运,很幸福。不过每个人的姓氏都不同。XD 回想当初,我会责怪自己:明明生在那么好的环境中,我还会要求多多,从来不懂得珍惜身边的人。随着时间的流逝,自从婆婆去世之后,我终于懂得身边的人对我多么重要。如果不趁现在好好珍惜他们的话,失去他们时一定会很后悔的。所以大家,要趁现在呀,免得后悔。

可是,我很害怕。我非常害怕我会失去身边的人。因为我认识的每一个人,无论是爸爸,妈妈,姐姐,朋友都好,在我的心目中,再也没有任何人能够取代他们的。比如说:我有一个非常爱我的父亲,我就会一心一意地爱着他。如果有一天,失去了他,不管是谁取代他都好,我都无法和之前的父亲一样 - 那么一心一意地去爱他。因为我的心永远只有我之前的爸爸而已。因此,我很怕去爱,去珍惜,因为失去了,我会很心痛的!我爱的人,对我来说是非常非常重要的人,我不想,更不希望他/她会消失。我不喜欢活在这个‘ 随时会得到,随时会失去 ’的现实生活,我受不了。I really hope that some things last long, to make me feel secured and safe, to make me feel comfort and bliss, to make me settle down in a relief, even though I know things won't last long......



Monday, May 4, 2009

We cannot predict our future and flaws, hence we could only take action to find out.

I finally found a way to share my thoughts to other people! Usually, when I typed my posts/blogs here, I categorized them into 3 types

(1) Just a random seemingly pointless blog. You'll see no titles above the random blog.

The others with titles are usually the serious ones where I like to share with others.

(2) This type of blog is regarding my personal feelings about life itself.

(3) The last type of blog is some facts and advises of real life that I want to share with everyone. This kind of blog should prove itself helpful to whoever who has problems regarding it. I'll try my best to ease your feelings.... =)

For the 3rd type, I think I'll consider posting a link about it in Facebook. For example, if I want to share with others about my opinion on some facts (e.g: discrimination, problems in real life, moral values). That way, I think and hopefully that through just some simple words, I can help make a difference in other people. =)

Next week, there's another intensive class!! Network Security! For continuously 2 weeks again.... haha, the stress is coming back again... but I'm not afraid anymore! I can learn more new things from the classes anyway. It's just time that is slowly being consumed...

Trying to stay optimistic and happy throughout the last weeks of my college life~ wish me luck and give me strength!!